Away to Focus on Self-Care

Photo of a Brown woman dancing and smiling in a blurry photo. There is a Brown man, whose face blends into the darkness, behind her.
Photo by a Friend

I have been away from my blog to focus on self-care. Do you see this photo above? That was me focusing on self-care nine years ago in the form of dancing and smiling at a friend’s birthday party. It is a blurry photo, but I am glad I did not delete it like I do with most blurry pictures. The details might not all be clear, but the joy in this photo is evident. This is definitely not a posed portrait. The birthday girl is not in this picture, but there is another old friend dancing behind me in this photo. I was looking through photos from this birthday a few months ago because I was reminiscing about this old friend. Unfortunately, he passed away. If it was not an intentional suicide, the few details I was given about his lead me to suspect it was an accidental self-inflicted death. Why? I knew from many conversations with him that he had a lifelong history of trauma, mental health issues triggered by the trauma, and suicide attempts.

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Neighbors

Photo is of a beach with a blue and cloudy sky with the sun and peach tones in the background.
Photo by L. Laguna

I am no stranger to talking about love. Throughout the years, I have written about it in I Fall in Love, When Love Is Not Enough for Justice, Let People Love You: Community Care Knows No Boundaries, My Anniversary, and more. As you can tell from my posts, I discuss love in a number of contexts.

However, I live in a society where people tend to talk about love through very limited and specific contexts. If I say love, people often think about romance and passion first. If it is not the love of a partner or spouse, they think about love within a family context like the relationship between a parent and child, between siblings, or between a person and any number of people in their extended family.

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Under Reconstruction

Image is an abstract image of brown and purple hues.

Photo from Flickr

I have not written on this blog for almost four months because I was preparing for, underwent, and have been recovering from reconstructive surgery. I was waiting for a moment to be inspired to write again, but maybe inspiration is too strong of a word.

When you are working to fulfill your basic needs, engaging in an activity that you normally love is not always the best thing. Sometimes when you try to do something and encounter restrictions or discomfort, reconnecting with the activity becomes more work than leisure.

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Lunch with Lindsay: Supporting Black Lives Matter and Practicing Self-Care

Is it just me, or did last week feel pretty long?

Actually, if you are like many people in my social circles who have been heavily engaged in the active work of racial justice, the last few decades have felt extremely long.

I both am encouraged to see more people fighting for racial justice—especially Black lives—in ways I have not seen in my lifetime, and I also am frustrated that this journey to progress is both so long and mentally and emotionally taxing for those involved. This is why when I saw the NPR Code Switch piece titled A Decade of Watching Black People Die, I thought to myself, “A decade? JUST a decade?” I decided not to listen to it.

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Lunch with Lindsay: Processing Racial Injustice in the US During a Pandemic

If you’re like me, you have been enduring a wide range of thoughts and emotions for the past week.

George Floyd.

Breonna Taylor.

Tony McDade.

Ahmaud Arbery.

The incident with Amy Cooper and Christian Cooper.

I don’t even need to write in full sentences. Many of you know most, if not all, of the names I listed.

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When Looking Out for Ourselves Isn’t Enough

The other day, I tried to find an old post of mine on Facebook in which I mentioned MLK. I didn’t find what I was seeking, but I found another instead. Strangely enough, this post does not mention Martin Luther King, Jr., MLK, or any variation of his name, but the powers of Facebook pulled it up for me anyway. This is a post from November 10, 2016.

Move On Up #2

Move On Up #2: Photo from Flickr

The post received 24 likes and five loves, 11 comments, and one share.

In one of the comments, my friend wrote, “This is worthy of a Medium post.”

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Tell Me About Yourself: Mourning the Loss of a Parent in the Pandemic

In my recent posts, I have covered a variety of pandemic experiences. It all started when my friend in California posted about his ER visit on Facebook. With his permission, I shared his story in The Stories That Don’t Make Headlines.

His story inspired me to start the Tell Me About Yourself series by asking my other friends about their experiences in the time of Coronavirus. I learned things about them that I would not have known otherwise—or at least known as quickly and as deeply.

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Photo from Flickr

My friend who lives in the New Jersey area outside of New York City had to put her IVF plans on hold. My other friend who lives in Iowa found that the pandemic made her stay-at-home life as a mom easier. Another friend in the Boston area realized that he wanted a more interesting life after the pandemic. My de facto cousin in Manila figured out what parts of her pre-pandemic lifestyle were extra. My cousin in the Chicago area has enjoyed the solitude of quarantine life, but her independent self still really misses people.

Today we will follow my friend who already has had a few major life changes since the pandemic started. He left his job, lost his father, and moved across the country.

What losses have you experienced since the pandemic started? How have you responded to them? How do you hope to move forward?

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Tell Me About Yourself: When Your Independent Self Still Misses People

In the Tell Me About Yourself series, we last heard from my de facto cousin in Manila. Now we will return to the US and learn about the COVID-19 pandemic experience of my cousin in the Chicago area.

This cousin is making the most out of her time while social distancing and living in quarantine. She is proudly independent and enjoying solitary time, but she still finds herself missing people. (Who knew that could happen?)

There is an innate need for human connection even when you are independent.

What are you feeling a strong need to have during this pandemic?

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Photo from Flickr

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Tell Me About Yourself: Figuring Out What is Extra in Your Life

The past few weeks, we have followed the pandemic stories of my friends on the West Coast, East Coast, and Midwest. Now we will travel around the globe to the Philippines—virtually of course—and hear from one of my relatives in Manila.

Since COVID-19 has grown across the world, there has been much discussion on defining who and what is essential: essential workers, essential businesses, and essential services.

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Photo from Flickr

In clarifying what is essential, we have to define what is extra too.

In today’s profile, my cousin (or de facto cousin) shares what is extra for her.

What is extra in your life?

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“When Do I Get a Break?” and Other Thoughts: Learning About an Exposure to a New Pandemic

Many of you know that I’m a cancer patient. I felt a lump in my breast December 10th and was diagnosed on December 19th. My life hasn’t been the same since.

I had my mastectomy on February 24th, which was the same week that the Biogen meeting screwed over Boston with COVID-19 infections. That news didn’t become public until later—after I already had been to follow-up appointments at five medical institutions with no extra precaution against the virus.

From March 11th onward, I saw different medical institutions change their protocol with intake for patients and visitors. The procedures change daily as new information arises.

I had my egg retrieval on March 19th. I was ordered to be monitored by someone for 24 hours after the procedure. I was told this took priority over any call for social distancing. Two friends took shifts in caring for me in their homes. Each had a spare room where I stayed and had next to no contact with them.

Below is a picture of my breakfast in my spare room at one friend’s house on March 20th, the day after my egg retrieval. A few hours after I ate this breakfast, I got a call from one hospital stating that I had been briefly exposed to a healthcare worker, who later tested positive for COVID-19.

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