Resisting the Attraction to Distraction

When I look at my life, I think it aesthetically looks pleasing. I’ve grown a robust network of kind and amazing friends and other loved ones. I have a job I like. My basic needs like food, shelter, and water are fulfilled. That is more than what I’ve had in the past. That is more than what others have. Like the picture of the sunrise and trees below, life has been a blur, but I’ve been doing my best to still appreciate what’s beautiful.

IMG_6275.JPG

Since I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I’ve had all types of flashbacks of my life, including challenges, accomplishments, goals, milestones, and a wide range of experiences from the beautiful to the ugly. If I was able to tackle all of those things, why should breast cancer be any different?

In conversations with different people, I have received advice to distract myself. I feel ambivalent about that tip.

Continue reading

The Untaught Lesson of Continuous, Enthusiastic Consent

A few weeks ago, I shared my initial reactions to the Babe article about the woman named “Grace” who went on a date with Aziz Ansari. The date progressed from one of sexual attraction to sexual consent to sexual misconduct. (To understand legal differences in sexual misconduct, sexual harassment, and sexual assault, check out this Vox article by Alexia Fernández Campbell.)

Couple

Photo from Flickr

In the days following the Babe article’s release, people on social media spat out a range of opinions from saying Grace’s story strengthened the #MeToo Movement to claiming it weakened the cause. Some blamed Aziz, others blamed Grace, and another set of people held both of them accountable. The degree to which they were held responsible depended on whose posts you were reading.

Continue reading

When Love Is Not Enough for Justice

It is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, and I am feeling all types of feelings about the world. Some of MLK’s most famous quotes are about love and justice, but I am thinking that love is not enough to advocate for justice.

LoveWall

Photo from Flickr

Last night, I saw the Babe article about the woman who went on a date with Aziz Ansari that described how their night together evolved from sexual consent to sexual misconduct. (Since the allegations surfaced, Aziz responded with his own statement describing how his sexual activity with her was “completely consensual.”)

After reading the Babe article, I had separate text conversations with a couple girlfriends who were as disappointed as I was by the news. Even if this incident may not qualify as sexual assault for legal purposes, it sounds like there could have been stronger communication and more respect shown in their sexual encounter. Since #MeToo has become ubiquitous in American culture, we keep hearing how men in Hollywood, media, and other industries have been predators and creeps to women.

Continue reading