In my last post, I mentioned that several loved ones have been struggling with some of the most difficult times of their lives. In all of these cases, there were health issues at the center of those difficulties. At the time I wrote my last post, I didn’t know what would be the outcomes of their situations, but last night I found out how one story ended: one of my loved ones passed away.
My cousin isn’t here anymore because of sudden complications with his health, and I’m wondering what made those complications so sudden. Was it truly a medical mystery, or was this another example of someone dying because that person lacked access to adequate healthcare?
I have a feeling that the latter is true.
When a tragedy like this is so fresh, there is a tendency to encourage mourning people to do all of these things to feel better:
Be resilient. Be grateful for the time you had together. Be at peace that they are in a better place.
You name it. I’ve heard it. You’ve probably heard it too.
I want to just -be-. I say -be- instead of be because most of us don’t take enough pauses to -be-. We might take a brief pause and move on swiftly to our regularly scheduled programming because that’s what we were told resilient, grateful, and peaceful people do … but that might not be appropriate and authentic for everyone’s circumstances.
If you are in a situation like this, allow yourself to just -be-. I’m not saying forever, but for now. Notice and observe your feelings. Then honor them by giving yourself space to process them. If you are ever apologetic about feeling these emotions, remember that it takes courage to acknowledge and work through them. It can be painful, but that’s part of allowing yourself to -be-.